To be alive

   My "Ground Hog"Life

I wake up Again!  And I know one knows and I'm sure know one cares...

 I hear the irrational nail on the chalk board squeaking of the alarm radio as I slowy drift into to consciousness and think to myself.."Shit, I'm awake again!"  My life  has become the venerable movie "Ground Hog Day", you know the one with Bill Murray as the star of a hapless, apathetic, rude, self absorb, washed up reporter who awakens everyday to the same routuine. To others it's a
new day, to Bill it's the same day...everyday...day upon day upon day...days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years... The moral of the movie is, this is hell and welcome one and all to the party; this is a special place for those of you whom are mean, rude, etc. and belive me...it Is hell!
    Everyday I awake to the same sounds, same smell of coffee brewing, the same routine of taking the dogs out, feeding them, getting my wife coffee and breakfest, watch her get ready for work, watch her leave, blow kisses, and then turn and look at me hell...
   The door looms before me like an evil grinning brown maw. Dare I walk in, dare I go in, dare, I stay here, or dare I just run away? I relent, my head down, looking at the grayish pebble concrete sidewalk reaching and stretching out before me...the long trek back to hell...my hell...the house...Slowly, methodically one foot I front of the other, I shuffle, as if walking to the gallows...
   I reach for the door, open it, step inside hell and look around at the world...slowly, cautiously, with great trepidation and angst, I step-inside. I close the door to the echoing sound of doom. I look around the foyer into the living room and dread washes through me as realzation takes hold....a disembodied voice resonates in my ears..." Welcome home dumbass"!
   I cover my ears close my eyes so tight the tears run. The voice does not go away instead it reverberates a few more times until the deathly quiet hush of silence replaces the cacophony of noise.
    I stand erect, walk slowly to the kitchen for my fourth cup of coffee of the day and the silence continues... It follows me from room to room until I embark on my delusional sanctuary...the bedroom. Silence tapes me on the shoulder to remind me it would be here Allllll...dayyyyyy....loooooonnnnggggg!
     I fall onto the bed shuffling my three dogs out of their blissful little dreams and begin to feel the exhuberence surround me...a lick here, a lick there, a moan,a bark, and reminder to "hey pet me"...I roll over and smile at one of life precious little joys I have left; Yes my dogs! I lay with them cajoling them to wrestle and bark and just act like dogs...for a single moment I am alive...just that moment, I still have 23 hours of silence, boredom, repetitiveness, and so on and so on and so on....
    God please relase me from this hell...I fall asleep again... I wake up again....the alarm clock drones it's, montanous tone...again...I open my eyes, and slowly realize, it's the same day....Again!