;If any one had told me when I was in high school that I would live to see sixty I would  have laughed at them, told them they were crazy and turn my hi-fi record player with Alice Cooper, up as loud as it would go. Now that I am approaching sixty who is laughing? Definitely not I.
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; 1969 was the summer of my dreams; we had just moved to Albuquerque New Mexico from a tiny village in south west Missouri called Nixa and man was I in for a culture shock. If you do not know anything about either then allow me to elucidate. I was moved from the good ole country hillbilly Ozark's, to the cosmopolitan sprawling electric city of Albuquerque, population then over a quarter of a million.<

;I remember dreading what was to come, rounding the curves through Tiejeras Canyon thinking I was going to ride horses to and from school and live in a pueblo adobe home. When we rounded the last curve on interstate forty,to my surprise, lay and city that stretched the horizon. Homes everywhere, schools, shopping malls, restaurants, you name it , I saw it! I did not know how to react. I am sure I was somewhat afraid but I think the excitement of not having to ride a horse to school put that fear in the trunk with the

;I eagerly sat forward and scanned the road; I saw a plethora of enigmatic people, the sites, and signs of a real city. I asked my father if this was our home and he acknowledged with a gruff &nbsp;yup, and focused on the road. I asked where we would stay and he pointed to a KOA sign and I knew instantly that this meant camping; ugh, I thought, tents, heat, bugs, outdoor toilets, I was just about to gently voice my disapproval when we pulled I to the Howard Johnson's next door. I looked skyward and said," there is a a God"... This begins the best years of my life. Excluding having my children this was the best time in my life.

 Fast forward years later and here I languish, no employment, no hope of employment, no income, no ability to start over, and feeling like nothing more than an unsightly blemish on my families butt. I wake daily wondering why I am still here.&nbsp;<
; I remember dreaming as all teenagers do, I would be a rock star, a writer, a poet, a painter, etc...well I am all of these but unknown to anyone but my family. Now all my dreams are called delusions of grandeur and more akin to someone with dementia. Maybe I have that too. I've had Cancer, I've fallen for a ladder fracturing most of the bones in my face and right eye, I've been bitten my a poisonous snake, I survived a perforated bowel because my appendix ruptures causing peritonitis and almost killing me, yet I am still alive. Why. Why, why; is this some punishment for all the crap I did in my youth, or is this a precursor and peak of what hell looks like. Whichever I wish it would get on with it and stop fucking with me. I'm tired, tired and more tire of the day to day crap of existing. And that is what I am doing. Existing, not living, not thriving, not producing, not providing, no I am existing.<
<i>&nbsp; &nbsp; I am also burdened with the guilt I am placing on my dear wife and family... This is not how my life was suppose to be... I knew I might never be a rock star or rich, but I did think I might have a good life, pay my bills, have a good job...and as of three years ago, I had all that. Now with the Cancer and degenerative diseases I have , it's all gone!

    Yes I could write on and depress you further or make my family think I'm suicidal,( which I'm not), but I will spare you the misery. Let's just end on a goof note that when this generation arrives at this senior age, don't be surprised or upset if things did not turn out as you planned. If you are a good sheep and do what mom and dad say, most like you will live a long  boring, predictable life...so do what I should have done. Burn the wick at both ends, say no to something, say yes to something, argue at everything and try everything at least once. I tell my family if I had know I was going to live this long I would have certainly done more damage than I did.

   And now they say;"Stairway to Heaven" might be plagiarized ?!?!? What the hell?
And the band played on!